Are Dogs Taking Over The World?

Dogs… don’t get me started on dogs.

They’ve found a way to infiltrate our homes, our jobs, hell, even our social media.

Every other post on Instagram is some pup doing something “adorkable.”

It’s like an oppressive regime of fluff and slobber.

If you really put your thinking cap on, you’d see that we’re the ones being trained, not them.

We show them love, give them food, take them for walks.

What do we get?

A cold nose in the ass crack when we’re trying to sleep?

And let’s talk about the obsession with breeds.

Every homeowner seems to think that having a purebred French Bulldog or a Golden Retriever somehow elevates their social status.

Newsflash, having a pedigreed pooch is not an achievement.

I mean, is that something you brag about on a first date?

“Oh, by the way, my dog’s grandparents were prize-winning show dogs.”

Yeah, that’s going to make the panties drop, surely.

Also, there is this new trend of people replacing kids with dogs.

Apparently, dogs are less of a hassle, bark less than a crying baby and you can leave them home alone without being charged for neglect.

These dogs are our new children.

They have wardrobes, grooming schedules, health insurance.

There is an industry for doggy spas and hotels.

Spas and hotels for creatures that find joy in sniffing butts and eating their poop.

“Emotional support dogs,” another manipulation technique.

They’ve mastered the pity card.

Having a rough day? Dog curls up to you.

Feeling lonely? Dog lays head in your lap.

It’s a scam, I tell you.

All it takes is a sympathetic tilt of the head, soft puppy eyes and that tug at your heartstrings and bam!

There goes your beef tenderloin dinner.

They’ve subtly wormed their way into our lives like no other creature.

Cats? Too aloof.

Birds? Too flighty.

Fish? Nor expressive or huggable enough.

Dogs, now they’ve hit the sweet spot. Just the right amount of independence and neediness.

We’re living in a planet of the dogs, folks, and we’re the ones who are happily rolling over for them.

Honestly, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think dogs were the most savvy creatures on the planet.

But here’s the punchline — they’re not.

They’re really not.

They sniff each other’s butts for communication, eat their vomit, and chase their own tail thinking it’s a foreign invader.

And yet… they own you.

Not the other way around.

Is it brilliance or stupidity?

I’m on the fence.

Is this “dog domination” a problem?

Well, depends on how well you’ve been indoctrinated by the canine cabal.

Can it be prevented?

Unlikely.

The only way to break free from this ruthless regime of cuddles and licks is to fall for the cats.

Or maybe reptiles.

A pet rock anyone?

For now, the dogs seem to have won.

Better start practicing your paw-shake, because I have a feeling it’ll be the new world salute.